i hate today. i hate today. i hate today. i really hope that i know who did this to me but i think i know who did it to me. but i cant blame anyone for this. i brought this to myself. mummy entrusted me with all her secrets and wat she gets at the end of the day is, my betrayal. i know wat happened and wat i said. the thing that i said was 1/100000 parts of the whole secret. i din expect mummy to throw a nuclear bomb. luckily i din tell anyone else anything. i think secrets are meant to be kept. i blabbered it out. it was sucha small issue yet she can do this to me. i jux cant forgive myself for not thinking before i speak. huiyun jux said not to trust that person again. i noe. thanks advisor. i hate you b*tch. thanks for making me trust you once and again. then betray me and put words into my mouth. thanks alot. err. anyways. mummy says that she forgive me but i dont think so. i guess its time for me to stop bothering about stuff. mummy said that i am making people's problems into mine. i think it true. STOP IT ANITA! its time for me to stop. stop poking your fingers into other people's affair. aiya. i dont noe la. all i noe is i care for every single one of you so... i dont noe la. i dont noe wat happened that nite. i dont noe wats wrong with me. i dont noe wat the hell is happening to me. i dont noe why is everybody getting so close to me and yet, my good friend is drifting so far from me. too far for me to reach. i really don noe wat is happening in this small world of mine. at least it used to be small. now its abit bigger. aiya. i dont noe la. i wanna cut myself to death now. i wanna find a hole to hide my face on monday morning if i see pet. i feel that i have no face to see her anymore. i dont think we will ever be close to each other as we used to be before anything. everything seems to be happening to me all of a sudden. all i can do is cry and swallow. i don wanna blame anyone about it cos i think i started it first. i think. i am the one who is wong. i am the one who always make the wrong decision. two weeks ago was lyk that, now, its also the same. why am i always making the wrong decision. i cant seem to save myself from this ordeal. stop forcing me to do things i dont wanna do. like forcing me go to toa payoh because you think that pet would be at toa payoh macs. i guess all of you were jux waiting for me to get embarrassed that all. anyways. i dont noe who to believe anymore. not even myself. SORRY MUMMY FOR HURTING YOU. i promise nothing of such will happen ever again. i will never do anything or say anything that has to do with you anymore. I AM REALLY SORRY. i cant find words other than apologises to show you but sorry. i camt seem to sae enough sorries to you. SORRY. and you people out there should jux stop squeezing things out of me cos you noe wat. it will forever wont get it out cos i will use my life to protect it. i swear if i ever sae it out, it will be in my dreams. and if that dae ever happens, i will jump down the building or, cut myself to death. so it means that it will never happen. so.... stop squeezing me. argh!