i don noe whats happening again. people jux seem to be not very happy. i don noe la. this morning it was all right. mummy din really show me black face and everything so err. i made myself happy. but afternoon came. ha. there goes that someone who spoil my day again. anyways. i dont wanna care anymore. but i jux wanna clarify. b*itch likes to put words in my mouth. wat can i do? all i can do is swallow cause i guess nobody will help me. nobody will believe me anymore. nobody will ever believe that watever i said is true. everybody seem to be scolding me and blaming me for believing that b*itch. i noe that i was in the wrong to believe her. but the fact is that i din even tell her anything. it was only once i told her something. now, everybody is accusing me of telling her everything. i don noe. i don really have the strength to bother abt it anymore. pls continue to blame me for watever shit you wanna blame me for. i muz learn to accept it. my frenz told me not to be affected by this. ok. i wont be affected. i swear i will study hard. i am not gg to fall into her traps. continue to spoil my relationship with mummy. i believe that as long as i tell her the truth, nothing will happen. ah yee stpehh doesnt seem to be able to understand my situation, ah yee ronghua failed to make me happy. i have no strength to type. no strength to cry anymore. no more tears to shed. best friend called todae to scold me cos she wanted to vent her anger. i was crying her for she venting her anger on me. she is happily scolding me there. nvm la. watever. she wants me to listen to her problem but doesnt seem to noe that i have my own problem. but who to blame? i can only blame myself and my blabbermouth. i swear anybody to irritates me later is so gg to get it from me. anyway. *note for b*tch: say watever you want. i don care anymore. no more strength and time to play along with you. so go ahead and tell the whole world and put words in my mouth.*

i hate today. i hate today. i hate today. i really hope that i know who did this to me but i think i know who did it to me. but i cant blame anyone for this. i brought this to myself. mummy entrusted me with all her secrets and wat she gets at the end of the day is, my betrayal. i know wat happened and wat i said. the thing that i said was 1/100000 parts of the whole secret. i din expect mummy to throw a nuclear bomb. luckily i din tell anyone else anything. i think secrets are meant to be kept. i blabbered it out. it was sucha small issue yet she can do this to me. i jux cant forgive myself for not thinking before i speak. huiyun jux said not to trust that person again. i noe. thanks advisor. i hate you b*tch. thanks for making me trust you once and again. then betray me and put words into my mouth. thanks alot. err. anyways. mummy says that she forgive me but i dont think so. i guess its time for me to stop bothering about stuff. mummy said that i am making people's problems into mine. i think it true. STOP IT ANITA! its time for me to stop. stop poking your fingers into other people's affair. aiya. i dont noe la. all i noe is i care for every single one of you so... i dont noe la. i dont noe wat happened that nite. i dont noe wats wrong with me. i dont noe wat the hell is happening to me. i dont noe why is everybody getting so close to me and yet, my good friend is drifting so far from me. too far for me to reach. i really don noe wat is happening in this small world of mine. at least it used to be small. now its abit bigger. aiya. i dont noe la. i wanna cut myself to death now. i wanna find a hole to hide my face on monday morning if i see pet. i feel that i have no face to see her anymore. i dont think we will ever be close to each other as we used to be before anything. everything seems to be happening to me all of a sudden. all i can do is cry and swallow. i don wanna blame anyone about it cos i think i started it first. i think. i am the one who is wong. i am the one who always make the wrong decision. two weeks ago was lyk that, now, its also the same. why am i always making the wrong decision. i cant seem to save myself from this ordeal. stop forcing me to do things i dont wanna do. like forcing me go to toa payoh because you think that pet would be at toa payoh macs. i guess all of you were jux waiting for me to get embarrassed that all. anyways. i dont noe who to believe anymore. not even myself. SORRY MUMMY FOR HURTING YOU. i promise nothing of such will happen ever again. i will never do anything or say anything that has to do with you anymore. I AM REALLY SORRY. i cant find words other than apologises to show you but sorry. i camt seem to sae enough sorries to you. SORRY. and you people out there should jux stop squeezing things out of me cos you noe wat. it will forever wont get it out cos i will use my life to protect it. i swear if i ever sae it out, it will be in my dreams. and if that dae ever happens, i will jump down the building or, cut myself to death. so it means that it will never happen. so.... stop squeezing me. argh!

today is sucha bad day for me. i hate today. cos its the last day of school and i will be missing ah yee stephh, ah yee ronghua, mummy pet, papa kumar, jie jie joyce and advisor huiyun. i am so sad now. i asked mummy pet and calli if i was gullible. the answer was a yes. i think i trust people too easily. things about wat stacie said i actually believe. what the hell. i believed her so much and wa so angry with yuva the whole week, yet, she cheated me. if she was out to break my relationship with yuva, i think she succeeded. i was so convinced abt wat she said. yet, she betrayed my trust for her. i told yuva everything jux now during night study. she cried. i was pissed with stacie. i couldnt believe her for wat she did to me. i was pissed with ronghua for irriated me at the whole time. mummy pet was sleeping. din wanna wake her up. i pulled calli along and dragged her to the matt. i cried fr my foolishness that i actually believed calli. toked to calli for nearly 20 mins. mummy finally woke up. she was looking for me yet again. she came to the pet to console me. i think she is the only one who can make me laugh. haha. we had a long chat. she told me that i shouldnt get affected by people's problems. yupp. i guess i was too affected. my best friend's stuff and yuva's stuff. maybe i shouldnt bother about them. i should jux muind my own buisness. yupp. thats what i am gg to do. mummy realised that i cannot take it when ppl lie to me and she told me the most shocking story of hers. i din go horny. she went horny. i was high. haha. then went home with yuva. i am really guilty for wat i have done. sorry yuva. i didnt mean it. okok. now, i am excited about the sentosa trip tml. yeah. :)

today was fun? not really actually. but had fun at mass. i think today's mass is the best i ever when cos ah yee stephh and i were making fun of someone and we were laughing throughout the whole mass. rite ah yee? hahaha... mass was at erm 3? Father was toking and toking and toking. i think he toks too much cos i almost fell asleep but thanx for ah yee. ;) ah yee ronda abit moody today though. she wasnt the usual ronda that i use to noe. so boring when she is moody. :( anyways. towards the end of the mass, someone had to hold the tray and walk down the alley and the six of us were like, hoping the candle will fall on her then burn herself or something. meanie me. hahaha. but too bad cos its HER. after mass, we went to raffles place then mummy pet and grand advisor huiyun had subway, best friend lydia and ah yee stephh had ice cream. :) i din wanna eat cos i din wanna grow fat. so let all four of them grow fat and i am the only skinny one. ;P after that, we erm.. sent mummy off. then advisor, ahyee, best fren and i took a cab to bishan. now that i am blogging, i feel lyk bitching abt someone but its wrong so anita... shhhh... haha.. anyway. i am suppose to be excited according to mummy cos of the thurs thing so... I AM SO EXCITED! anyways. sorry mummy that i din get to tok to you much todae. maybe tml on track k? hehe. =) kk.. wont be able to update my blog for a week so ppl.. pls forgive me... what a nice sundae.. :)

today was weird; studied with Lydia, my new best friend. i waited for lydia ho for 30mins which was the longest 30 mins i ever had! msged pet to see if she was ok cos she told me the scariest thing ever yesterdae nite. she told me then she was gg to die. haha. scare me can. ms lydia ho came finally! we decided to move to coffee bean to study but we ended up gossiping. many things happened at coffee bean. first, we saw this bunk which i thought she is hotter than pet cos of her hair, but later she turned ard, i decided that pet was still hotter. rite pet? haha. then i was checking out on her and everything. weird la. then we gossiped abt that bitch for lyk 4 whole hours but in between we studied pls. haha. chased out my the assistant manager so i went to shop with lydia. saw mrs siau. haha. went home to sleep; idiot calli too woke me up jux to ask me whether pet lyks piglet. jealousy man. buy for pet dont buy for me. hahahah. so boring. where are you? waiting for you here. :)